Almost a month since my last entry and it wasn't really due to lack of time. I just wasn't in the mood to update. All thanks to the teaching practicum which I'm in now. Even though it's for only 5 weeks and its a pass/fail thing, I can't help but feel the stress of it.
For one, I hate all the observations & assessments nonsense. Its pure formula for high blood pressure.
And I don't really enjoy lesson planning but it's the bulk of any practicum! Hurrah!
Many negative thoughts ran through my head prior to the start of the TP and it surely didn't help at all. Even though I did contract teaching for 1.5 years, its just a different feeling altogether. Ideally, just be myself and pretend no one is observing me. Realistically, its a feat!
This week was supposed to be my first observations by my CT & NIE Sup. I was all geared up for lessons until I had a sprain in my ankle. Alas! I'm out of action from school for 2 days and observations postponed. Blessing in disguise? I'm not sure myself.
Given that I can't walk alot, I have no choice but to try to sit still. In the process, I got to think about things and after going through the 40days F&P material for today, there's this calming effect that came over me.
I realised for the past weeks, my sense of security was very unstable. Alot of pessimistic thoughts (very not me) and my sense of self-worth got rocked by the impending practicum. I also didn't know what came over me but the fear of failing was pretty overwhelming. In a nutshell, I started my own 'rescue' and try to make sure I do everything possible to not fail. In addition, I was faced with the starking difference between the idealistic NIE and the real world out there in schools.
Draining.
This morning as I read and prayed, I had to repent of my scattered heart & self-reliance. As the excerpt in the booklet says:
Where is my anchor upon which I place my hope? No amount of worship in church, attending of cell etc can ensure our walk with Jesus is going strong if our relationship with Him is not stable in the first place.
And the last few weeks have shown me how wrong my footing has been for this practicum.
It was due to a wrong footing that got my ankle sprained but ironically, its the trigger to get me back on the right footing as I embark on my teaching practicum.
Everything happens for a reason and maybe the 2days MC was just a window of opportunity to set things right before all the observations come.
I'm feeling more at ease now. He knows what I need and the desires of my heart. I got to trust that He will direct my every step come what may.
My role? Simply to follow the footsteps He left behind as He walks before me. That must be the right footing.
For one, I hate all the observations & assessments nonsense. Its pure formula for high blood pressure.
And I don't really enjoy lesson planning but it's the bulk of any practicum! Hurrah!
Many negative thoughts ran through my head prior to the start of the TP and it surely didn't help at all. Even though I did contract teaching for 1.5 years, its just a different feeling altogether. Ideally, just be myself and pretend no one is observing me. Realistically, its a feat!
This week was supposed to be my first observations by my CT & NIE Sup. I was all geared up for lessons until I had a sprain in my ankle. Alas! I'm out of action from school for 2 days and observations postponed. Blessing in disguise? I'm not sure myself.
Given that I can't walk alot, I have no choice but to try to sit still. In the process, I got to think about things and after going through the 40days F&P material for today, there's this calming effect that came over me.
I realised for the past weeks, my sense of security was very unstable. Alot of pessimistic thoughts (very not me) and my sense of self-worth got rocked by the impending practicum. I also didn't know what came over me but the fear of failing was pretty overwhelming. In a nutshell, I started my own 'rescue' and try to make sure I do everything possible to not fail. In addition, I was faced with the starking difference between the idealistic NIE and the real world out there in schools.
Draining.
This morning as I read and prayed, I had to repent of my scattered heart & self-reliance. As the excerpt in the booklet says:
"It is not enough to be in the right place; it is not enough to
say the right words; it is never enough until we are walking
with God twenty-four hours a day everywhere we go, with
everything we say an expression of love and faith. "[EUGENE
PETERSON, Run with the Horses]
say the right words; it is never enough until we are walking
with God twenty-four hours a day everywhere we go, with
everything we say an expression of love and faith. "[EUGENE
PETERSON, Run with the Horses]
And the last few weeks have shown me how wrong my footing has been for this practicum.
It was due to a wrong footing that got my ankle sprained but ironically, its the trigger to get me back on the right footing as I embark on my teaching practicum.
Everything happens for a reason and maybe the 2days MC was just a window of opportunity to set things right before all the observations come.
I'm feeling more at ease now. He knows what I need and the desires of my heart. I got to trust that He will direct my every step come what may.
My role? Simply to follow the footsteps He left behind as He walks before me. That must be the right footing.
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